New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
