I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
