OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
