There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
