We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
