Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize