you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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