I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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