My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
