There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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