do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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