I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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