You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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