WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize