Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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