What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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