i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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