is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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