I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
