So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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