Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
