let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
