She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
