i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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