idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
