I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
