Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
