She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
