So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
