Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
