You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
