He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
