Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
