he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
