I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
