well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
