i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Someone signed my nipple.
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