Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
