someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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