i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
