literally had 100 drinks last night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
