So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
