Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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