I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
