is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
