U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
