xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
