Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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