also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
