I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
