Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
