my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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