Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
