I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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