:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
