I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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