You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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