im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize