If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
