I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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