As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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