I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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