i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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