there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
