come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize