At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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