Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
