from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
