GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
