I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
