I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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