Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
