he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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