how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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