Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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