if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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