I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
