bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
